First: Nothing. You did nothing wrong.

I like to think of our son’s first 9 years of public education and his subsequent pre-school years as character building. You know, those times in your life that “if they don’t kill you, make you stronger?” Eff that, those first years were damn near close and the following weren’t a cake walk.

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The beginning.

After struggling consistently with our son’s education, meeting with teachers, educators, counselors and more, at the profound boyhood age of 7, we received a diagnosis: Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder. Many of you reading this now have gone through all of those steps already. You’re probably remembering all the steps, the meetings, the conversations, the phone calls, the looks, the non-invites, the lack of friends – everything that you and your child have endured. You’re nodding? You’ll be nodding your head more throughout this series, I can ensure that.

My first thought at the doctors office was What did I do wrong? I’ve failed as a parent. The guilt penetrated my soul. I thought back to all the times that I let him watch a TV show when he was little or listened to music too loud or the fact that as a young 20-something full time retail working parent, I wasn’t afforded the opportunity to nurse him for barely more than 2 months. I knew, deep in my inner being that I had caused this diagnosis. I even found out later that the “brain building shows” I had thought were so awesome then, potentially were a root cause of all of this. My Mom Guilt was off the damn charts. If you’re a dad, I’m sure there’s something like it too. I don’t know since I’m not a man but I’d guess it’s similar.

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The diagnosis.

Our son was in 2nd grade when the doctor officially gave him a title that could somewhat explain his constant behavior. Something that could somewhat explain why he couldn’t sit still or why he fought with his peers or why it took him twice as long to do homework. Sooooo, we had a diagnosis. Now what?

We debated for a long time over medication with a final decision to try it. I mean, if you’re child has an illness and there is a medication to help, it’s worth looking into. However, as a researcher and natural living educator, it was an extremely difficult decision and I cried when I picked up his first prescription. But I also hoped for the best and had faith that this was a good decision.

It was not. And it wasn’t for the next 4 medications that we tried. If you’re one of the lucky ones that has found one that works without drastic side effects, awesome! Or maybe you’ve seen improvements in grades or social stability but suffer with anger outbursts, not being able to fall asleep, headaches, restlessness, anxiety, upset stomach or other issues. Whether you’re like our son and not on medication or if you’re searching for help with the things that the meds don’t cover, that’s where natural items can come into play.

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I must start by saying, I am not a doctor and cannot diagnose nor prescribe anything. I can only tell you my research, my herbal case studies, my background in using herbs and essential oils and the benefits it has had on my own family. Part of these options have come from other clinical herbalists that I have studied under and/or look to in my own research. Please consult your practitioner for additional advice however, also know that many western physicians do not have backgrounds in natural medicine. Consulting a Naturopathic doctor may be of assistance to you.

What to do.

First: It’s easy to want to try everything that’s potentially useful but that can be overwhelming, intense, difficult to maintain and will drive you crazy. You’ll be more exhausted than you currently are, will give up, curse natural items as pointless and will miss out on potentially the best items to help your child.

Don’t. Try. Everything. At. Once.

1. Try to choose 1-3 dietary or lifestyle changes plus 1-2 herbal formulas/products. Think about which changes will be most useful for your family member and which will be easiest or most enjoyable for them to implement.

Lifestyle Changes: Choose 1-3

• Eliminate potential food allergens such as grains, dairy, soy, preservatives and additives. Testing is available for this however, just keeping a journal of behaviors and how your child feels when certain foods are consumed can work just as well and not cost a thing.
• Opt for a whole foods diet- eliminating processed foods, fast foods, sodas, refined flours and sugars. Whole fruits, veggies, lean meats, heart healthy fats and if tolerated, whole grains and full fat dairy. Plus lots of water. Add in prebiotic foods (like bananas, apples, whole [gluten free] oats) and a good probiotic daily to ease stomach discomfort and aid in elimination. Often a general source of anxiety for many kids is stomach upset. When your stomach hurts, it’s definitely difficult to focus on anything!
• Add in Brain Training in the form of daily exercise or art or music therapy or cognitive programs online.
• Eliminate all synthetic products from your home. Remove fake or chemical fragrances from candles, wax melts or plug-ins. Swap out harsh chemical cleaners for plant based ones without synthetic additives. Ditch chemical shampoos, toothpaste, soaps and personal hygiene products for natural options. If this overwhelms you, start small and as you finish one product, replace it with natural one next time.
• Implement bedtime rituals incorporating essential oils or a soothing bedtime tea, like chamomile with a swirl of honey. Have your child be a part of the routine: they put the oils in the diffuser and turn it on or they help to make the foot massage blend to use every night. Don’t do it for them. If they are very young, of course, work with them but still allow them to be a part of the process and a part of the control.

Herbal Formulas: Choose 1-2

• Add in Omega-3’s in supplements from fish oil, ground flax seed and chia seeds.
• Add in a kid friendly herbal formula like Lemon Balm, Bacopa, Spearmint, Lavender or Chamomile.
• Add in Essential Oils: Vetiver, Lavender, Spearmint, Patchouli, Chamomile or various blends that contain the beneficial oils: diffuse at homework time, make a roller that supports focus or massage sleep inducing oils at night to increase the much need sleep that brains crave.
• Get vitamin levels checked: Vitamin D, B’s, and Magnesium are often on the low side. Food is always the best form to get your vitamins and minerals so see bullet point #2.

Always involve your child in the decision making. Know if they will drink a tea, if they can take a pill or if a syrup would be easier. Involve them in the making process too. If it’s a tea, have them put the tea bag in the cup and let you pour the hot water. It’s your preference on tinctures (herbs steeped in a liquid to extract it’s medicinal properties) as many are made using alcohol. Our son took an alcohol based Lemon Balm (melissa officinalis) tincture every day for almost 3 years. The amount of alcohol in a tincture is extremely minimal. However, for very young kids, glycerin or honey based versions are available as well. You can easily find tinctures in health food grocery stores like Earth Fare, Fresh Thyme and Whole Foods. Often they have staff on hand to assist you in choosing the best one for your child as well.

Tinctures: Look for Lemon Balm (melissa officinalis) as a plain tincture. There are many “brain power” blends out there but when you’re beginning, start with ONE so you can easily address any behavior changes, etc. Lemon Balm is a nervine which means it nourishes and supports a healthy nervous system. It calms without being sedating and reduces anxiety thus bringing about focus and attention.

Our son took Lemon Balm tincture daily before school for over 3 years without any side effects. We noticed an increase in attention, focus and a calm demeanor without any change in his personality or having him feel groggy or spacey. It is a wonderful herb for even young children, with no documented side effects.

Additional beneficial tinctures would be Passionflower and Bacopa. Passionflower is a great calming agent but not sedative and is great for children as it’s very mild.

Know also “What flavors do they hate?” and “How willing are you to make big diet changes?”. What support do you need to make these changes possible? You can always tweak the plan as you go- that’s why herbs and natural items are so simple. Recipes and links to more information will continue to be posted on here and I am always available for questions and small consultations. When working with children, it’s important to make sure everyone’s on board – parents, grandparents, schools, friends’ families – especially if you’re doing an elimination diet. We discovered how difficult it was when our son was gluten free and the rest of us weren’t. Supporting your child is a family affair and having that whole support provides an exceptional base for them to work into their ADHD.

When you’re making changes, encourage your child to tune into their body and note how they feel when they do or don’t take something. What’s their mood and focus like after eating a piece of cake versus a salad topped with chicken or nuts? If they’re all wound up and then go for a short walk outside, do they feel better? How do they feel when they take their herbs? We asked our son almost daily “how do you feel?” (Heck, I still do and he’s a Freshman, 3 sport student-athlete in high school now. See, friends, I promise, they work into it and will flourish.) I would take him off his Lemon Balm tincture for a day or two and note his behaviors, how he felt, what issues occurred during those days.

Omega-3’s: These are so important to the healthy function of your child’s brain as well as cardiovascular health – a supplement that can be great for both parent and child! 

Invest in a high quality complete B multivitamin, Vitamin D and Magnesium Glycinate. Magnesium taken at night will aid significantly in deep, restful sleep – something that an overworked brain desperately needs. Magnesium will also in promoting a sense of calm, moving away from an anxious mind.

Ok. Don’t be overwhelmed. Remember, the goal is not to do all of these things but to cherry pick the best ones for your child. You CAN do this. You at least can do one thing from the lists above. One thing can make a world of difference.